Toxicology report lists the cause of death as overexposure to exposition. We won’t grind you down with backstory here. Here we’re all about what the fuck is happening now. Some of what you read here probably won’t make any sense. There may be grammatical or speiling errors. We don’t care about those. You may find yourself deeply immersed in the love life of a character that’s about to chose between two lovers, a choice that may start the French Revolution or simply lead to a broken heart and suddenly, mid-sentence you find yourself about 440 pounds is the average weight of the giant squid. And seriously between those, sharks, and the fact that we aren’t designed to breath water, why the fuck would we want to go swimming. Acceptable answers include but are not limited to: 1) It’s fun fucker. 2) I’s the closest most of us will ever get to floating in space fucker. And 3) Mind your own business fucker.
Now that we’ve established exactly nothing, perhaps you have an idea of what to expect here. Some of you may be thinking “Ahh, the unexpected, that’s what we can expect here. I see where this is going.” To which I respond with, ” Fuck you Teddy. Thinking you’re so smart, that you have the world figured out. Sitting there feeling smug in your khakis. Fuck you and your over-priced Canadian sparkling flavored water. That’s right Teddy we don’t use adjectives in their proper conversational order here so fuck you for noticing that too!”
We’d like to take a second here and apologize to those of you out there named Teddy that aren’t complete fucking cunts. You guys are cool, but there’s always one.
Anyway before that cunt Teddy interrupted I was saying that you could expect nothing here. See Teddy, you don’t know. Expect nothing from us here in the writers room. A 4×6 room on the thirty-seventh floor with beige walls and maroon carpet. Seriously who picked these fucking colors. Expect nothing from us because this may be the only thing we ever post on here. We may have the winning ticket for the big Megamillions jackpot and when they draw our numbers we are out of here. I guess in which case one of us may post on here that management could suck our collective dicks, in that case that would the be our last post.
Okay. So it looks like the big lottery drawing has been held and some fucker won and you just know he won’t share the fucking money with us. So
yeah that’s what we do here. We write shit and post it and possibly people read it and maybe even enjoy it and maybe we post more and maybe they read and enjoy that stuff and maybe next time Karen plays the fucking numbers I tell her to instead of doing quick picks because she doesn’t understand how to use the number pick sheet and can’t be bothered because she’s thirty-8 and has two children in high school and how the hell did they survive this long Karen if you can’t navigate a simple fill in the bubble lottery sheet of paper Karen. I know they had illnesses and medications and you got that shit figured out didn’t you Karen.
I’ve just been informed that the name Karen has been used too often in memes so go back and reread that last paragraph but replace the name Karen with DeShanai. We’re all about diversity here. Thanks. It makes it a lot easier if you do our jobs for us.
That’s not a bad idea. we’re gonna stop writing this bullshit and if it’s not to much trouble could you all just pretend to keep reading like we’ve written something interesting. throw in a laugh here and there like we’re witty as well and if a friend or coworker. Didn’t that word used to be hyphenated. Co-worker. Yeah, that works also. No flags for misspelling. When did we decide to eliminate hyphens? Did hyphens become too much trouble to insert in hyphenated words? – I honestly don’t care I’m just trying to pad a word count here. But if a friend or coworker ask what you’re laughing at tell them it’s none of their fucking business and if they’re really curious then they can go read it for themselves. Send them the link and then chastise them for wasting company time and let them know that unless they give you a hundred dollars on the first of each month, you’ll report them to the Boss and also HR for the pornographic searches on their computer. In order for this to work you’ll need to gain access to their work computer and do some pornographic searches. Really freaky shit, but nothing illegal, just normal, very vanilla gang Caribbean brutal fart cake porn. Also if it’s a friend and not a co-worker then you may use the same threats but replace Boss and HR with boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, mother/father, opthamologist/whatever. It’ll still work and you have an extra hundy. Sweet
Tacos, bananas words from foreign lands fill in the rest for us and let us know if we said anything really funny so we can work that into the next post. Until next time also come up with a cool sign off/catch phrase